A new Incarnation (and new incantations)
I have many names, but down here on earth somewhere I'm Mr. Traverse. (Except the last e is camouflaged as an o making a word that means flute. Confused? Yeah, well its the first time I've liked this name.) I have numbers too: 5981. Lifepath, destiny, personality, hearts desire. To the learned they tell more then names...
Speaking of names, I am in need of one, but first I'd better tell you a few things about my past. My father was a local guitarist and singer in a band, and head of a coven that practiced black magick. He had turned Christian when I was old enough to know him, and I never knew my mother as they had been divorced.
What I do know is that both of them had enemies. My mother stepped in something that was a "curse" to drive them apart, BUT I was in the womb and I absorbed 90% of this curse. I will tell you from experience that a curse that is integrated with a child at such a point will be with them their entire life. I know this sounds strange, but I don't want to make this post unbearably long with the details...
The other thing I know is that I was named "Steven" after the Alice Cooper song on the "Welcome to my Nightmare" album. The themes of those three songs are very fitting too...
My father had made a gate to summon demons in the living room. The kind you are only supposed to make outside. I would sleep on the couch all the times. Some mornings I would wake up with bite marks in various places and some nights I would hear voices or see things at the corner of my eyes. I was told that one night I awoke, pounded on my fathers door with an ashtray asking "is this it? is this where it all goes?"
But the most haunting thing about sleeping on that sofa was something far worse that would stick for the rest of my life. It was my first year of high school, I got sick with the flue. I brought it home to my family. They circulated it back and forth to each other, the misery went on from september to december!
Nearing the end, I was given three warnings of what would come, but I was a delerious sick kid and because I had unwavering faith both in God and my father who I looked up to as the kind of man that could do anything. The warnings were this: We had gone to the hospital to help him and then we left. I thought he was going to come back tomorrow or something. He said that we could clean out his room later. That seemed odd. Finally, I had crashed on the couch as usual that night. I woke up out of nowhere to see him sitting quitely in prayer, naked with the door open. While it wasn't unusual for him to be naked, somehow I thought it best to leave him be. He was also an alcoholic and there were times he inspired fear rather then love.
Rather then think that I had been woken up for some reason I went back to sleep. I heard a loud bang that morning and was surprised to see he had taken his life. That very day my grandmother's cancer acted up and she went to the hospital, followed by hospice. Nothing was ever the same, it was as if an aura of protection had been removed from our home. We moved from place to place, but it was never the same. After that I mostly drifted...
When I finally met my soulmate I was learning many new things about reincarnation, numerology, and duality. She was wiccan and we fell for one another and she moved 2000 miles from home to be with me. For a year she stayed, then it came time for her to go home for a month to visit her folks.
Well this turned into a permanent arrangement, and though she insisted she still loved me, just needed to be home for a while, blah blah blah, what began were six months of absolute hell during which she mercilessly tormented me, used me. When I found out she cheated on me I stopped everything. I had spent over $20,000 on this little psychic vampire and had already sent her back her computer so we could talk.
She had left many of her things with me and knew she could not kindly convince me to send any more of it back. So a magical war began... and ended with me burning her things or using them to curse her. Perhaps most significant was that she even abandoned her "book of shadows." While I'm sure she started a new one, what I do to the old one affects her writings, words, and spells.
Soon after I had gotten knee deep in cursing her I found my situation improving. Fear was diminishing, I was getting lucky and gaining instead of losing money, the demons that seemed to haunt me before were gone. In fact there I am enjoying a new level of positivity I have never known before. Once my soulmate... now she is a spiritual toilet for all my negativity: thoughts, feelings, even negative energies directed at me. Magical deathblows? How bout being corned and lashing out by devouring your soulmate and taking her positive energies for yourself.
Getting back to that name I'm looking for: Is there a name that means having devoured your soulmate? Maybe piece together some words in an ancient language and then shorten it.
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
I would define my "religion" as "magick" or an ongoing evolving spiritual journey with many twists and turns. I find that Duality is by far the most important thing I've learned and if there were any symbol I'd want to wear it would be the yin and yang.
All of life is a play of two forces, as evidenced everywhere above and below. Light and dark, yin and yang, having and wanting, etc. A Reaction for every action, including birth to death.
Manifestation is born of Infinity and Eternity. Infinity manifests in every direction and in every way. Ah the rosy cross: Infinity and an 8, for Karma.
Why is 6 afraid of 7? because 7 8 9. If you know you're numerology then be very afraid. lol.
But seriously, we humans have two sides: a side that believes and a side that doubts. Only by realizing this and learning to think in parellels, detatch from the outcome, can we separate chocolate from vanilla and experience them pure and intact.
It's kind of like how the "manifestation" people who follow the law of attraction have to operate. Even if your situation is one of debt and financial worry, you're expected to think and feel riches, and yet still have the rational sense to get through each day. In a sense "there is no harm in trying" but for most of us this would be a difficult if not impossible task.
Well not for me, because I live in my head, make worlds in my head, I've been a DM for 15 years, have about 40 novels to work on. I see myself more like a collection of characters then an actual person...
The most important magical qualities are faith, creativity, and a sense for working with symbols. Knowing that I explore and doubt it's the most that can be expected, except through personal experience. Theres also an intuitive, deep, powerful, energy that I can barely describe. I'm simply going to refer to it as spiritual pressure or perhaps part of the Aura since when I walk into a new age bookstore I sometimes feel someone elses spiritual pressure if it is strong enough. I still remember my father warning me to guard my thoughts whenever we entered the Alpha book store, because John can read your thoughts.
Well, I appear to be babbling on at this point...
Last edited by Phaedron; 10-24-2010 at 07:43 PM.
"From Negative to Positive, through Potential Existence, eternally vibrates the Divine Absolute of the Hidden Unity of processional form masked in
the Eternal Abyss of the Unknowable, the synthetical hieroglyph of an illimitable pastless futureless PRESENT." —S. L. Mathers