Hello

[Knight]

It seems every few years I visit the occult online community out of boredom. Its 5:33 am where I am, and its dark and quiet now. Very peaceful. I don't know what to say...I used to post to the occultforums.com...which doesn't seem to exist anymore..probably some of the same people here, I'm guessing.

I work at night. Its more difficult finding a night job that is legal and pays well, but I did. :)

Its not that I don't enjoy the sun, its just that I find the night more peaceful, probably do to most people sleeping. The stars and the moon are so beautiful and I have always loved how light reflects from water at night.

Some people are afraid of me, because they think I have an anger problem, but its not anger at all. I just find that when I scare people, I usually get what I want. You'd think it would get me into trouble. That's what I thought, but it seems to work out in my favor, and so encourages me to behave like that more. I used to think I was nice, but perhaps I'm not really. I don't care either way really. I am what I am.... Don't you just hate stupid phrases like that? "I am what I am" Retarded? It's the same as "It is what is is" or "for real," or "for rea, for real?" OMG, stop me before I break something. Anyway....I don't hurt people, just scare them occassionally. Most times I tried to avoid them, but when I can't I usually end up scaring them. I don't even really like occultists that much. They think they know every damn thing.

Anyway, my new year's resolution is to try to stop scaring people. I've already gotten a head start on it.....I've been nicer lately.

OK, it was nice writing these thoughts here for people I will never know, but it was enjoyable thinking about who may or may not read this.

Yeah, I think I have multiple personalities...something about if you think you are crazy you aren't, but what if one of your personalities thinks you are and the other doesn't? Then what?

lol, I dunno....have a good one. k, I can do it...here goes...

Nice to meet you! (See, that was a total lie because I haven't met anyone here yet, but it socially excpected or accepted or some junk) I'm working on it.

[ZeldaFitz]

Welcome, you don't scare me, in fact nothing scares me. If you are here to contribute, then do so, if you are here to troll, don't! I like the dark, and frankly most people have more than one personality, so you are not alone in that.

[Knight]

Welcome, you don't scare me, in fact nothing scares me. If you are here to contribute, then do so, if you are here to troll, don't! I like the dark, and frankly most people have more than one personality, so you are not alone in that.

I'm not here to troll. But, you see, you're already educating me. I told you occultists think they know everything.

I was being honest and thought you would appreciate that. Just because I don't like occultists doesn't mean I'm not civil. I like occultists more than I like most others.

Serves me right, though. Lying to people always seems to work better than the truth.

I'll be good, promise.

Though, I doubt I will visit often.

EDIT: I hope I didn't make the impression that I came here to scare people. As I explained, I only scare people for personal gain. I'm selfish that way. I have nothing to gain here, so there is no reason for it, besides I find the idea of scaring someone on an online forum ridiculous.

[Tanemis]

Trust me, the least of our worries are you trying to scare us using electrons over the internet. Welcome to the forums. You never know, if you stick around, you might find something that interests you!

[ZeldaFitz]

Yes there is something for every one here.

[Belphebe]

Merry Meet.

[psi-bot]

hi ya and welcome.

[Knight]

I must have been in a dark mood when I wrote this introduction. To clarify, I don't just go around scaring people on purpose. What usuallly happens is I'll be in a conversation with a person who will try to take advantage of me, and then I scare them almost defensively, and end up getting what benefits me rather than what they would have had happen. I'm working on controlling that defensive mechanism and become a bit more passive, because the truth is that I don't enjoy scaring people, but its almost as if they bring it on themselves, because I'm perfectly civil unitl that moment when someone tries to mess with me, then something happens that I am trying more to consciously control, but whatever it is scares the crap out of people. I actually had a supervisor run away from me saying he was going home, but then two hours later came back and had given me more than I requested to appease me. I don't want to be like that, though, but it does seem when it happens I get my way.

I'm actually working on being more passive. Most people I observe are very passive, and let people take advantage of them and use them without saying a word about it. I'm almost the complete opposite.

I have actually tried to just remain silent sometimes, and it never fails that each time I try I have five different people asking me about something. Sometimes, I just feel like saying stop talking to me, lol. But, that would be rude, and I don't want to be rude either.

[ZeldaFitz]

I read your first introduction and now your later posts. Are you sure you are the same person?

[Knight]

I read your first introduction and now your later posts. Are you sure you are the same person?

lol, yeah, that is what I figured. I am a nice person. I hate to see others suffering, but lately I have noticed a pattern of people either being afraid of me, or actually telling me, "they were probably afraid of you."

I say lately, but I remember in my past people saying the same types of things to me, "they were probably afraid of you."

So, I've been thinking on it, and I think I sometimes scare people when I'm not trying to. I don't know how to explain it. I'm just trying to control it, but it is very difficult for me, it seems.

Other people are not afraid of me at all, and warm right up to me, telling me I'm one of the only sane people around.

My friend is an occultist and he actually witnessed this happen once, and I asked him about it. He said he noticed that I was being very civil and polite until the man I was talking with verbally attacked me. My friend told me that after the man had attacked me that is when I went off on him, scared him, and he actually ran away from me.

I don't seem to scare women like that, though. I think it is an Aset thing. I can't do it. It is always men.

[Tanemis]

At least you're honest with yourself Knight, that will always help to be passive. There is a difference though between being passive and being able to be manipulated. There are passive ways to stand up for yourself and not be walked on.

[Knight]

At least you're honest with yourself Knight, that will always help to be passive. There is a difference though between being passive and being able to be manipulated. There are passive ways to stand up for yourself and not be walked on.

I'm going to keep working on it. I've said that before, and then I end up doing it again. Just a few days ago, I had to go to a training and a couple of my supervisors were there. I made a suggestion to improve something and somehow it just blew up. Everything I said was true, but upon reflection I wish I hadn't said anything at all. Not because they were supervisors. I'm in no jeopardy of losing my job or anything like that, but just because I don't want to be like that. I just got frustrated at their lack of willingness to verify anything. Check the reconds. "We can't check them." Ask them this. "We can't ask them those questions." etc., etc. I wish I hadn't said anything at all, and the more I think on it the more I just want to go to work and not speak to anyone, lol. I'm tired of trying to help people that don't seem to want to help themselves and it must be making me angry or frustrated or whatever is going on. I'm tired of that, though. I wish I could stop it, but every time I say that it seems the same thing happens again. Something needs to be done differently, I guess. I'll keep working on it and meditating on it, until I figure it out.

Silence is golden, perhaps. I think that is what I will try. Answer questions, be polite, and nothing else, lol.

Actually, that conversation with my supervisors was an eye opener for me. I realized that they turn a blind eye to EVERYTHING. I think that may be what I needed to learn to deal with this problem. I understand my situation more and can act accordingly now. So, I suppose it is a good thing, and I actually do feel more calm upon reflecting upon it. They do not care, and I do. That is what it comes down to.

[ZeldaFitz]

He doesn't scare me, I think he is absolutely fascinating.