laughingc0w
11-16-2010, 03:24 PM
Hey all, this is my first post...I'm looking for feedback on an extremely strange experience I had about 10 months ago. I'm hoping to find someone who has experienced something similar and might know what it means. Of course there's always the possibility that I went temporarily insane for a day.
I was deep in thought one day when I became aware that my thoughts were becoming exceedingly strange and I wondered why I was having thoughts like this. I tried to stop, but I realized I wasn't thinking at all, it was more like a voice in my head thinking for me. Strangely enough I couldn't really think, I couldn't hear my own thoughts, just this other thing's thoughts. I felt mentally paralyzed in a way, almost in a trance.
As soon as I became aware of this, a strong visual component was added to the voices/thoughts. It wasn't like I saw it, it was more like imagining it without trying to, and I could 'see' it in my head in much more detail than anything I could consciously imagine...if that makes sense.
First it was Jesus on the bleeding on the cross, it turned into a gigantic fountain of rose petals, and from then on into a gigantic flowing river of rose petals. They were floating in a bright golden liquid, and they had sapphires all over them, and the roses looked like they were glowing almost. A bunch of Sufis drank it out of their wine goblets and were laughing amongst themselves when the cops stormed their house and were pissed because they passed the breathalyzer. I think at this point it became more like a living dream. The source of the river of the rose petals had an eye, it turned into the Arabic letter ayin and started crying. The voice or narrator kept explaining faster and faster how all of these images were related and it was happening so fast I didn't have time to question it, nor could I really "think" as I was "mentally paralyzed" the whole time. The voice would also say a lot of sentences where every word rhymed, totally bizarre. The river hit a little waterfall but instead of flowing evenly the rose petals would form shapes which would form other shapes in return. At one point it made something that looked like the Kabbalistic tree of life. Everything that happened seemed to come from some combination of the rose petals...and I got a very very strong sense of interconnectedness with everything, impossible to describe.
Another strange thing...at one point I got very frightened because I thought I was going insane, and couldn't think for myself. And the voice said over and over, in MY voice "i will not hurt myself, or others" until I felt better.
So all these 'events' were narrated by this voice, always in the same rhythm (and it NEVER stopped talking) and always in terms of how it related to something else. And it was always accompanied by an imaginary vision too, I think the entire time I was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling but I was barely conscious of anything around me.
The whole thing lasted perhaps 6 hours and there were many more things in it...I just didn't want to type it all out. There was some weird sexual imagery too but I thought it might be against the rules to post. And a lot of things with Inanna/Ishtar, bulls, and a bunch of highly symbolic "plays" or skits that were meant to illustrate things the voice was saying (stuff mainly about the nature of the mind or civilization), and the angel Asahel was also a main character in one of the "plays." So based on what I wrote, does anyone think they have experienced something similar and what does it mean?
Thank you
I was deep in thought one day when I became aware that my thoughts were becoming exceedingly strange and I wondered why I was having thoughts like this. I tried to stop, but I realized I wasn't thinking at all, it was more like a voice in my head thinking for me. Strangely enough I couldn't really think, I couldn't hear my own thoughts, just this other thing's thoughts. I felt mentally paralyzed in a way, almost in a trance.
As soon as I became aware of this, a strong visual component was added to the voices/thoughts. It wasn't like I saw it, it was more like imagining it without trying to, and I could 'see' it in my head in much more detail than anything I could consciously imagine...if that makes sense.
First it was Jesus on the bleeding on the cross, it turned into a gigantic fountain of rose petals, and from then on into a gigantic flowing river of rose petals. They were floating in a bright golden liquid, and they had sapphires all over them, and the roses looked like they were glowing almost. A bunch of Sufis drank it out of their wine goblets and were laughing amongst themselves when the cops stormed their house and were pissed because they passed the breathalyzer. I think at this point it became more like a living dream. The source of the river of the rose petals had an eye, it turned into the Arabic letter ayin and started crying. The voice or narrator kept explaining faster and faster how all of these images were related and it was happening so fast I didn't have time to question it, nor could I really "think" as I was "mentally paralyzed" the whole time. The voice would also say a lot of sentences where every word rhymed, totally bizarre. The river hit a little waterfall but instead of flowing evenly the rose petals would form shapes which would form other shapes in return. At one point it made something that looked like the Kabbalistic tree of life. Everything that happened seemed to come from some combination of the rose petals...and I got a very very strong sense of interconnectedness with everything, impossible to describe.
Another strange thing...at one point I got very frightened because I thought I was going insane, and couldn't think for myself. And the voice said over and over, in MY voice "i will not hurt myself, or others" until I felt better.
So all these 'events' were narrated by this voice, always in the same rhythm (and it NEVER stopped talking) and always in terms of how it related to something else. And it was always accompanied by an imaginary vision too, I think the entire time I was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling but I was barely conscious of anything around me.
The whole thing lasted perhaps 6 hours and there were many more things in it...I just didn't want to type it all out. There was some weird sexual imagery too but I thought it might be against the rules to post. And a lot of things with Inanna/Ishtar, bulls, and a bunch of highly symbolic "plays" or skits that were meant to illustrate things the voice was saying (stuff mainly about the nature of the mind or civilization), and the angel Asahel was also a main character in one of the "plays." So based on what I wrote, does anyone think they have experienced something similar and what does it mean?
Thank you