Recurring nightmare

[PsykoSara]

I've been having a recurring dream for years, it comes back every 2-4 years or so. It's the only dream I've been afraid of, and I'm really confused.

It's very simple. I'm in a strange meadow with a big concrete crevice in the ground. The sky is red and there isn't anything else around. There's a gigantic half-female spider-like creature which attacks me and I try to kill it with an axe. This always results in it pinning me down and splitting me open with it's sharp legs. It eats my intestines and I'm still alive, screaming. Not from pain though, it arouses me. Then the dream ends. Sometimes the dream takes place in a cave instead of a meadow, but otherwise it's always the same.

So umm. I don't know what I should think about the dream, I first had it when I was 6 or so. Is the dream trying to tell me something? What do you guys think?

[Light]

We all have a duality in us, one light and one dark side.

If this dream causes distress to you, it might be good to seek some help through councelling, to work out what and why this causes distress in you.
Does it have a negative/unwanted effect on you, the next morning or week etc. after the dream.
Working out these issues with someone might help to either resolve your concerns or lessen your distress, the dream might even dissapear and get replaced by something else.
There are many issues I could see in this dream, one: a sense of loosing control on some level/ being helpless, but being excited about it, etc.. are you used to being in control in your everyday life ?, yet you might subconsiounsly be afraid to loose control ? or not.
There are many different things that is a possibility from a psychological perspective.
However, this is something that would best to work out with someone that can ask more question from you, to guide you through, to get the answears and help you work out, what this means or is to you.

[PsykoSara]

Thanks for the replies.

Can't really say of any negative effects. I'm just scared and curious, not really distressed etc. It's true, I've been mentally ill for the past 5 years or so. I've harmed myself and attempted suicide more than once and I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist. I'm also a masochist, which has probably been the result of my upbringing. I was always treated as a lesser being, can't say I've ever been in a position with power over anyone.

I've been trying to check some dream meanings online, and so far I've gathered;

A spider may mean fear, femininity or/and a feeling of threat. A meadow usually means freedom. A weapon (in this case an axe), could be a sign of trying to feel powerful due to insecurity. I haven't really found anything about getting a kick out of being eaten alive but.. Ah well, this could just be my mind telling me to be more lady-like. It could do it in a bit less hostile way though.

[Tryptaminescape]

Be careful trying to use external sources to interpret. When it all comes down to it nobody is going to be able to tell you what the symbols your mind project are going to mean to you, except you. There are a few sort of universal symbols, but they change and vary a lot depending on who you ask. In certain Native Americans they'd tell you that a spider in a dream brings knowledge and understanding, and absolutely nothing close to fear. It all comes down to what a spider means to you. Why would your message come in symbols like that to you? Meditate on the dream, really think about it. Get rid of your consciousness and ego, and really dig to see why something is trying to tell you whatever it's trying to tell you, and using the symbolism it knows best to do so for you specifically.