Beginner experiences while meditating

[Salamander]

I started mediating about 5 days ago,the only previous experience I had was listening to a ten minute deep relaxation tape a couple of times.The first two days were I managed to feel calm but couldn't really achieve anything more than that.

On the third I tried a few types of meditation,picturing a rune,counting breaths to nine then staring again and finally a staring at a candle.I lit a yellow candle and sat staring at it in complete darkness apart from its light.I did this for about ten minutes then I blew it out and just meditated with my eyes closed.Then a small star appeared rising up from where I was looking until it disappeared.A sort of shadow silhouette of the candle was present and the star came from the black shadowy flames of the candle.Eventually it turned to a yellow crystal,each time rising up till it disappeared,every time I tried to make it stay still it would vanish,eventually it faded and a rip in the darkness appeared,with a weird shifting inky black purple hue inside it.It followed the same pattern of the crystal except instead of growing straight up it went at a angle,when it stopped appearing the crystal came back but faded and it moved sideways.Instead of disappearing it exploded,the light revealing a eye.At first I thought it looked demonic but the every time it became more reptilian till I cold see part of a dragons face.

The thing that surprised me the most was how vivid it seemed,not that dream like effect in a dream or the faintness that comes from a memory.I meditated the day after with not really anything happening and again today except for a eclipse like object appearing in the darkness,then it turned into a dark blob although it shifted and eventually a black seed started to appear instead.

Both the experiences from the third and fourth day come after staring at the candle then blowing it out so I am in complete darkness,I was wandering are these experiences based on the fact alone that I am using the candle and that it is influencing my subconscious and if I tried a different mediation they wouldn't appear.Plus can staring at a candle in the dark damage your vision over the long term.Can you please tell me what you think and sorry about the length of the post.

[ferdinnnann]

I read over your post and decided to do a little research. I believe that what you saw was most likely either a burnt in afterimage of the candle, a Closed-eye Hallucination, or a combination of the two.

As you probably know from some experience, looking at a bright light, especially for a prolonged period of time can leave an after-image when you close your eyes or blink. Also, as for the moving, if your eyes had been looking away slightly from the candle flame and then you closed your eyes, if you tried to look directly at the afterimage it would appear to be moving in your vision.

A Closed-eye Hallucination can be fairly common while meditating or using certain chemicals, though it can often go unnoticed. There are varying degrees of CEVs which can include shapes, objects, an appearance of static, and in some cases can even be seen with open eyes on objects. I have experienced this personally many times, though didnt feel the need to research into it. The shapes can shift, lights can seem to explode and disappear and sometimes your imagination can even take over and create a scenario based on these random shapes and movements.

What i believe is most likely is that your burnt in after-image of the candle drew your attention to actually look with your eyes shut, as opposed to visualizing an image in your minds eye. After the image faded you noticed the moving CEV and your imagination or mind just took over and interpreted it as it did.

I hope this was helpful, and next time i encourage you to seek information with your old pal, google. In no way however do i oppose the asking of question, but the whole thing of teaching someone to eat fish and fish yadayada. Have a good day

Ferdinnnann

[^AnimositisominA^]

I couldn't explain it better myself ferdinnnann. I have been doing this myself since I was a child. Excuse me for this is a hard thing for me to write about. I have never spoken or wrote anything about this till now. I have distinct memories as a child (starting @ age two) of lying about not able to sleep. It seems like years that I would be awake questioning everything as my family slept soundly at night snoring away. I would be awake for hours with my eyes shut and a tunnel of lights before me that I had learned to control. I slept in a room at the back of my grandmothers house. I don't know how many times I was told to go back to bed because I actually wanted to escape from my own mind. These are actually my first memories. During these times I believed that I was able to see human skeletons if I flipped the light switch in a certain rhythm. I still see it in my head, clear as day. This is also the time frame in which I saw my first spirit. It was in the form of a decomposing body and it is still vivid as it was then while I type this now. I wasn't introduced to real fear until this happened.
I was lying about one night trying to sleep as usual. By now I was age four and my bedroom was in a different room in the same house. My room had two twin beds against the north and south walls. I slept against the south wall. I felt a vibration that i couldn't describe, then I rolled over and saw something in the other bed. It was an exact image of Crowley's Lam. I remember feeling my heart pound throughout my body and hearing a high pitched frequency that paralyzed me as I almost smothered myself with my pillow in fear. I finally found the courage to look back again (probably hours later) to find nothing. I then was referred to psychologists by my school because I would have conversations with people that weren't there. They found nothing abnormal about me.

I am a soldier now. I have slaughtered people daily for months at a time. I have had my brothers in pieces all over me. I have NEVER felt fear like I did in my own bed that night.

The only thing that has conquered my insomnia and kept me and my family happy and strong is OUR ability to control what is behind our eyes. Which we spread throughout the world.
^A^

[Spider000]

Have you considered making a little temple, alter etc. Then design a 'temple opening ritual' with getures etc. I recommend at least a middle pillar and if you are serious an LBR.

What happens is when you start opening your temple- your mind will automatically go 'into mode', and this is most helpful. Not to mention that the LBR and Middle pillar will help. I would also suggest regular Chakra and prana work, concentration exercises and visualization too.

After which is play time..yippeeeeeeeee..

Spider

EDIT: What does the red dot mean? i am new here

[ergon]

try reading initiation into hermectics. thats a fairly good book