My poetry-a sampling

[Bane]

REFLECTION
the mirror reflects what I dont want to see
reminding me of who I dont want to be
I feel nothing as my soul is dying
given up no longer trying
a reflection I dont recognise
deaf to all my anguished cries
my rotting heart shatters
nothing any longer matters
empty now my body crumbles
a strangled cry my lips mumble
the mirror deceives
I Iie to myself as my life flees

NO CLUE
til I met her I thought I knew
so many things but I had no clue
my lifes become so twisted
I thought I lived I just existed

[toadbile]

nae bad. "Reflection" needs a couple sylables shifted or deleted so it flows more evenly like "No Clue" does.



the mirror reflects - I dont want to see -
reminder of who I dont want to be.
I feel nothing: my soul is dying,
given up no longer trying.
a reflection I dont recognise
deaf to all my anguished cries
my rotting heart shatters
nothing now matters
empty body crumbles
strangled cry mumbles
Lying to me, the mirror deceives
Lying to myself, my life flees

actually i still like "No Clue" better. Wotchue think of the changes?

[Lady Dunsany]

As a published poet myself, I must say your poems show a deep melancholy that tugged at my heart. toadbile do you not know the first lesson in creativity, you never mess with a poet's
work, unless you are their editor and even then, you tread lightly.

[Bane]

the mirror reflects - I dont want to see -
reminder of who I dont want to be.
I feel nothing: my soul is dying,
given up no longer trying.
a reflection I dont recognise
deaf to all my anguished cries
my rotting heart shatters
nothing now matters
empty body crumbles
strangled cry mumbles
Lying to me, the mirror deceives
Lying to myself, my life flees
please dont edit my work without my permission its rude-and its plagiarism.

[Harlock]

very good, im not a published poet, but I do love poetry. You are a good poet. I wish I had kept my senior year poetry journal....my teacher took it and i dont have it anymore but very good i hope to see more of this bane

[Bane]

as you wish.


WAR
hatred flowing from the ashes
remnants of the ultimate of clashes
blade against blade
blood that will never fade
horror and atrocity
speak of unstoppable fury
bodies scattered everywhere
severed heads with endless stares
rivers of blood course through the pain
tears fall like acid rain
death wrought by merciless evil
chaos so horrid, unbelievable
fighting wars, never ending
the slain into hell, descending

[SWM]

Not a fan. Its too teenage melodrama for my tastes. I see poems like this all the time. Its neither new nor heart tugging. We can't all be good emotional poets, and oftentimes its hard to distinguish between the wash up overemotional flowery nonsense and the heartfelt sincere. Your poems fall into that vast grey area.

and PS, its not plagiarism, its editing. Big difference. Plagiarism is turning in someone else work for credit/money. He was trying to improve upon your work by giving you suggestions. It may be rude, but its certainly not plagiarism.

[Lady Dunsany]

Bane considering most of the boring poetry that is out there to day, I find yours refreshing. Poetry has absolutely nothing to do with what is right or what is wrong or whether a arm chair critic likes it or not. I have been part of this world for a long time and have met wonderful famous and not so famous poets. Poetry comes from the heart and the soul, and it doesn't matter if there are some that like it or not , what matters is you do. Do not write for the masses write for yourself and stay true to your self.

[Odin]

SWM replied its editing.


not if he is not the editor and doesn't have the sole permission of the author to change the the works

the works are his unless collaborates with others


the owner is Bane and no one has the right to change or edit his works

[SWM]

Thats correct, but:

–noun 1. the unauthorized use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work.(websters online dictionary)

He wasn't portraying it as his original work, just adding suggestions to improve. Its like saying, "You know what would make this spell better? Use a circle and some candles, here is how I would do it"

That isn't taking the spell from the original spell caster, just adding something that should be taken into consideration. Seeing as todebile wanted to help Bane, I see no room for criticism. The "unless you are an editor" argument is just plain silly. There is nothing wrong with shooting options out to an artist or poet, and if its so damn personal then why post it in the first place? Expect people either tearing apart your work or critisizing it and you won't be disapointed in yourself. Expect for the worst and hope for the best.


This doesn't change the fact that I didn't like the poem, and I'm entitled to the oppinion that I can say so and not be discredited by suggesting that its too unoriginal, thus "uncreative".

[isis]

REFLECTION
the mirror reflects what I dont want to see
reminding me of who I dont want to be
I feel nothing as my soul is dying
given up no longer trying
a reflection I dont recognise
deaf to all my anguished cries
my rotting heart shatters
nothing any longer matters
empty now my body crumbles
a strangled cry my lips mumble
the mirror deceives
I Iie to myself as my life flees

NO CLUE
til I met her I thought I knew
so many things but I had no clue
my lifes become so twisted
I thought I lived I just existed


i love it dont change it

[isis]

as you wish.


WAR
hatred flowing from the ashes
remnants of the ultimate of clashes
blade against blade
blood that will never fade
horror and atrocity
speak of unstoppable fury
bodies scattered everywhere
severed heads with endless stares
rivers of blood course through the pain
tears fall like acid rain
death wrought by merciless evil
chaos so horrid, unbelievable
fighting wars, never ending
the slain into hell, descending


the same for this one love it dont change it

[Bane]

SWM, yes, you have the right to have an opinion, and Im not offended by it. I dont mind criticism, but my work is MY work.

[Harlock]

bane your a good poet ill give you that

SWM i know you meant no offense by editing his work, but its just like u said when u tell someone "oh a candle could go there for a better effect," but usually you would put hte "can i make a suggestion" first, its not what u said its how you went about saying it

[Baka_greywolf]

I don't think toadbile really did anything wrong. He told you what changes he thought needed to be made, showed what it would look like, and then asked you "Wotchue think of the changes?" I think you should have just compared the original and his and said (thank you but im satisfied with mine or I'll take this change into consideration)

Pesonally I think some of the changes are good but some, like the first line, change it a bit to much. Anyway no need to bicker.

Bane your poems are pretty good, I like the first two the third was kinda *meh*

[Elelem]

I found some of your work pretty good Bane

[Bane]

no need to bicker.

agreed. we are all entitled to our opinions.

[Odin]

I liked it

[isis]

odin you and me both