I have always been interested in the occult, but only recently have I begun to practice it daily. I own a copy of Kraig's "Modern Magick" and have been working through that for the last 3 months, keeping the dream/ritual diaries, learning and performing the rituals each day.
Lately I have begun to have doubts and thought I'd air them here. The concept of God as described in the occult reading is one I am totally at ease with and was a view I rationalised myself after my post-Catholic atheist period veered towards agnosticism.
I can see how the vibrations, the focus and the intensity of the LBRP can lead to a new understanding. When I do the Middle Pillar Ritual I can feel the energy flow through me. But there are other things I find hard to accept: when evoking the Archangels - angels, demons, entities are not things I believe in. The four elements? Why four? The periodic table says there are 117. And the Adorations? Why to Egyptian deities I don't believe in? Tarot - yes I have found it to work, but am I not just merely imposing a set of thoughts on my subconscious?
I realise I am at the very, very beginning of a journey, but I'm finding the intensity of the rituals is starting to wane. When I did the LBRP and the Middle Pillar Ritual today they seemed very flat. I know I get out what I put in, but I'm finding it harder to do them with the anticipation and enthusiasm of a few weeks ago.
Maybe it's not my path...? Does anyone else have similar doubts?
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