well where to start...

First and foremost I am truly lost in this world and searching for answers to somehow get me back on path. I dont know where I fit in when it comes to religion anymore. I was raised Roman Catholic and after my father being brutally murdered and seeing no vengeance take place and no help/comfort from "god" i went into a dark spiral. I dealt with it as best as I can and now im moving on. I know alot of people say "god" doesnt exist but im not one of them because of things that happen in life I know he does exist but the fact is I truly hate him.

A few years ago A friend gave me the satanic bible so I read it and a few other Lavey books but its not really my type of thing. So i moved on to Crowley books and I really got into them but still I feel lost. I understand and favor the more Satanic ideas but dont really know which type I would fall into.

As far as my views on life well I will never be christian again. I dont see the point to devoting ones life to a god who eats his young and rules by fear. I am who i am, I walk through doing what I want and trusting what I feel. Im really into geomancy and both angelic and demonic magic. Ive done black magic and really want to learn more but I know no one else like me. Hell in this family if they found out I think Lucifer to be a good entity and view him as a mentor they would have me killed.

btw sorry for typing all this I never know what to say in these things but I just started typing.