Donate Now Goal amount for this month: 30 USD, Received: 0 USD (0%)

User Tag List

Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Dislikes Dislikes:  0
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: This is embarassing...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default This is embarassing...

    ..but I really need to fix myself up. I do not know how to exactly explain my condition or state of mind but I'll list the 'symptoms' & some examples. I have ADHD, GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) & I am Bi polar, & I am aware that this is not a self-help forum but yet there is something else I think I need to do, My doctor also suspects that I may have dyslexia. I am having medicines & I am motivated to fix it but at times I feel the motivation itself fading too quickly.

    The state of my mind could perhaps be best described as being too airy, very unstable & rather unsettling & disbalanced. I feel the I do not have a purpose & I can't get things done on time as I get distracted or I feel 'confused'.

    I'll jot down in a slight detail the problems I face-

    1. I always forget to do things. They just slip out of my mind. I make detailed schedules, plan time & yet I forget. I forget to see the schedule. I know this sounds strange but this is what happens. I write down goals to achieve & I find my goals or the means to achieve them changing very fast. But mainly after writing goals, I don't even see them as it slips out of my mind. This is a typical behavior of an ADHD person,it seems like the person loses interest or doesn't remember what he is supposed to do.

    For e.g I started doing a focus exercise on a dot on a paper, I did it for 2 weeks, after that one day I wasn't well, the other day I didn't get time, but after that I had enough time & yet it just slipped out of my mind that I was supposed to do it. Now, I haven't done it since 2 months. I always end up with incomplete projects.

    2. I find it extremely hard to go through things in a systematic way. For e.g if I am searching for something which should be in one of the boxes, in a room of boxes, chances are I would directly start searching the boxes in a very haphazard way, which would take me much more time if I had done it serially. Tasks which are highly stressful for me are cleaning the room & multi tasking.

    Another example is sometimes I keep surfing this website for an hour but I don't really read what people typed, I just skim posts or partially read them & then I click on the other one. So, I end up wasting a lot of time as I didn't get any good grasp of what I read

    I try to be thoroughly organized & yet I manage to screw up somehow. For e.g I use a mind mapping software in which I have clasfied all the vital areas of my life such as relatonships, finance etc & yet somehow I can't follow my goals or I just forget to see them.

    3. I find it terrribly hard to concentrate even when I want to. I see myself 'staring' at news rather than watching or listening to it, even if I want to. I find myself nodding to people when they are talking to me but unaware of what they are saying.

    4. I am too excited & happy at times with
    a) almost an innocent child like mirth
    b) an adrenaline rush

    & the other times
    a) extremely anxious in an almost claustrophobic way, as if I am getting a panic attack- I had received an assignment for which I would get descent money but I felt so much anxiety while doing it that I would feel I was giving myself excuses to delay it. I was secretly wishing that the client would call & apologize that they don't really require the project anymore. I feel a 'sinking sensation' somewhere near my chest..

    b) I feel as if I have no desire to live, its almost as if I seek non existence n a way. No, I am not suicidal. I feel lost, aimless, without any purpose. its like I don't know what I want. Everything seems dull, lifeless & gloomy. At times, I find myself staring at oblivion. Some days back, I was supposed to met someone, he was calling me from the other side of the road & I didn't even notice. I was just staring at something I don't even remember, lost in my own thoughts.

    I have tried so many different things like having a 'Set of rules' that I am supposed to follow & schedules but in vain. The Set of rules included instructions such as I should not skim while surfing, should do only one thing at a time, schedule must be thoroughly followed yet I screw up, somehow.

    So yes I am open to hear anything which anyone has to say. Is there any way magick can hep me?

    Principally I think this has something to with the psyche/soul & that is why I seek magick as an anti dose. In short I will tell one more thing which I do to combat this(Besides schedules etc). I worship the saying "know thyself", I introspect a lot, I dissect everything, how I was in the past or everything that I did in the past, I am brutally honest with myself. I analyze every action of mine & see if it wwas wrong or how could I have done it better. This is one thing I believe has helped me as I think all these problems are quite inter-related & medicines & psycho therapy isn't just enough, they can cure the body & the brain but there is something that needs to be fixed in the very depths o the pysche/soul/mind here. (I know that I have used these words a bit interchangeably here)

    But I also believe that I should only be looking inside but also at the external world. I try to analyze how my mind works & how others work in a given situation. I minutely analyze which words they speak, the gestures they use or why they do what they do. Its almost as if I am a student of pyschology.

    I use dream diaries & at the end of everyday day I write whatever that occurred during the day & what experience I gained from it & what I learnt from it. I believe strongly & I know I am repeating this, that the cure is to be found more in knowing & understanding myself & harnessing the power of that knowledge rather than only medicines

    And this is the most important thing of all, the main reason I seek help is not that I can't deal with my emotions but it affects my productivity, the reason I mentioned the numb/mania episodes was that they are strongly related. So any help is appreciated of course, but mostly I need help with remembering things, for e.g just after posting this ,I had vowed that I will make a new set of goals(for career & magick,etc) & visualizations but then it just slipped out of my mind.
    Last edited by morningstar; 08-01-2010 at 05:39 PM.
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  2. #2
    G
    grbree Guest

    Default

    ummmmmm well for one ya need a hug morningstar that might help a lil and 2 if you dont mind messing up your body and quite possibly losing the abillity of practicing the occult go to your doctor and suggest lithium im really surprised you are not on it now if your bi-polar (im assuming youve had a proffessional tell you this on record) seeing as how thats what they put all bi-polar patients on immediatly sometimes they try others first but majority of times lithium is the choice.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kkkhhh555 View Post
    my mothers symptoms are almost exactly like yours,she takes lithium now,and she seems to be doing fine,not all the way fine ,but shes not crazy actin,and suicidal
    The symptoms that I have listed are not at all extra ordinary, they are typical symptoms for ADHD. Medicines have helped me a lot, it was actually even worse before taking medicines but the reason I am here is to use magick as an anti dose (which I should have mentioned in the oiginal post, I will edit it now). I believe that somehow all these problems are related to the psyche of the individual & medicines & psycho therapy/psycho analysis aren't enough, there is just some thing else here.
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Belasko View Post
    When we decide to delve into the occult we get crazy, body acts up, mind is screwed up. I don't recommend Lithium it can destroy the body, natural lithium is good. I have been observing you and frankly it seems you want to be diagnosed and evaluated, and no one can do that on a forum. Has it ever occurred to you it is you house, environment, the people around you? Has it ever dawned on your mind you have a chemical imbalance? You could be a stranger in a strange land.
    Are you talking to me or kkhhh555?
    I will assume its for me & no, its not the occult. As far as I remember, i had these symptoms since childhood. I have not even succeeded in any kind of magick (yet) because of the same factors.. lack of focus, 'forgetting to do magick, feeling very excited or anxious while performing magick & so on.

    A chemical imbalance seems almost obvious here as all disorders are types of chemical imbalances. But I don't feel sad or angry in my down states, I feel more numb though, as if lifeless. I am almost everytime in my room in front of my computer but I go for strolls or visit the mall, I have seen that doing the same thing for a lot of time can triggerr impulsiveness. that numb feeling etc.
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Isabeau View Post
    You are indeed your own worst enemy.
    Yes, read the quote which I am putting in my signature
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by grbree View Post
    ummmmmm well for one ya need a hug morningstar that might help a lil and 2 if you dont mind messing up your body and quite possibly losing the abillity of practicing the occult go to your doctor and suggest lithium im really surprised you are not on it now if your bi-polar (im assuming youve had a proffessional tell you this on record) seeing as how thats what they put all bi-polar patients on immediatly sometimes they try others first but majority of times lithium is the choice.
    Thanks. I have taken homeopathic medicines & they have worked really good for me. To people who don't believe in homeopathy, let me tell them that I had acute asthma as a kid & I cured it just by homeopathy. I also cured a shoulder iinjury only by homeopathy. Yes, I go to a very competent doctor.
    Last edited by morningstar; 03-27-2011 at 07:42 PM.
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Belasko View Post
    I was talking to you of course. if you know the physical cause then look to your environment, the people, the energy around you and even the country you live in. I had a friend that every time she went on vacation to Colorado she had an accident. an astrologer looked at her sign and all and told her that Colorado was not the place to go. She stopped going there and went to a more compatible state, and the accidents stopped. You need to move to a more benign location.
    Looking at the place around me, I do admit that I don't like it here & never had. I always wanted to move to another country. But I wasn't aware that the place where you live could actually be malicious. Strangely, I have always felt so but as of now money is a big object & I cant move anywhere else, forget leaving country but not even another apartment.

    But even if it is, its still something to do more with my psyche than just the place.
    Last edited by morningstar; 08-01-2010 at 10:28 AM.
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Abode of fallen angels
    Posts
    153
    Post Thanks / Like
    Points
    1
    Level
    1
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Follows
    0
    Following
    0
    Points
    0
    My Feedback
    0
    (0% Positive Feedback)
    Donations
    0 - $0.00

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Belasko View Post
    The place can affect the body, the mind and the spirit. Ask Blithe she will explain it.
    I will, thanks.
    "And with strange aeons, even death may die."

  9. #9
    G
    grbree Guest

    Default

    You could always have someone lock you in a dark room for about a day once a week and meditate remove all other distractions thats how i got myself to start being able to calm down when i was younger but it might also cause you to have a heart attack from the stress.

  10. #10
    G
    grbree Guest

    Default

    And that could very well help its not gonna be fun it'll be horrible but it might help if it's his/her head thats the problem being placed in an area completly void of everything could help, but what ever its up to you morningstar do whatever seems good.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.