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Thread: My poetry-a sampling

  1. #11
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    isis Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bane View Post
    REFLECTION
    the mirror reflects what I dont want to see
    reminding me of who I dont want to be
    I feel nothing as my soul is dying
    given up no longer trying
    a reflection I dont recognise
    deaf to all my anguished cries
    my rotting heart shatters
    nothing any longer matters
    empty now my body crumbles
    a strangled cry my lips mumble
    the mirror deceives
    I Iie to myself as my life flees

    NO CLUE
    til I met her I thought I knew
    so many things but I had no clue
    my lifes become so twisted
    I thought I lived I just existed

    i love it dont change it

  2. #12
    I
    isis Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bane View Post
    as you wish.


    WAR
    hatred flowing from the ashes
    remnants of the ultimate of clashes
    blade against blade
    blood that will never fade
    horror and atrocity
    speak of unstoppable fury
    bodies scattered everywhere
    severed heads with endless stares
    rivers of blood course through the pain
    tears fall like acid rain
    death wrought by merciless evil
    chaos so horrid, unbelievable
    fighting wars, never ending
    the slain into hell, descending

    the same for this one love it dont change it

  3. #13
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    SWM, yes, you have the right to have an opinion, and Im not offended by it. I dont mind criticism, but my work is MY work.
    >In umbris potestas est<

  4. #14
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    Harlock Guest

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    bane your a good poet ill give you that

    SWM i know you meant no offense by editing his work, but its just like u said when u tell someone "oh a candle could go there for a better effect," but usually you would put hte "can i make a suggestion" first, its not what u said its how you went about saying it

  5. #15
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    I don't think toadbile really did anything wrong. He told you what changes he thought needed to be made, showed what it would look like, and then asked you "Wotchue think of the changes?" I think you should have just compared the original and his and said (thank you but im satisfied with mine or I'll take this change into consideration)

    Pesonally I think some of the changes are good but some, like the first line, change it a bit to much. Anyway no need to bicker.

    Bane your poems are pretty good, I like the first two the third was kinda *meh*
    "The individual exists because there is a point of reference to identify itself" Haruka-RahXephon

  6. #16
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    I found some of your work pretty good Bane

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Baka_greywolf View Post
    no need to bicker.
    agreed. we are all entitled to our opinions.
    >In umbris potestas est<

  8. #18
    O
    Odin Guest

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    I liked it

  9. #19
    I
    isis Guest

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    odin you and me both

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