Seeking aid from canny, kindly occultists
So everyone has problems, and mine are no bigger than anyone else's. Still, it is the divine right of all people in spitting distance of a computer to unload their issues on whatever web forum they deem appropriate. Hopefully also some people reading this might find it an interesting example of how relationships, worldly circumstances, psychology and plain old uncertainty can interact with all those forces that tend to move behind dark curtains.
To say a bit about myself I am a sensitive literary type, a late and unnaturally fiery Piscean (with Jupiter in Scorpio rising), and somebody who has had a long track record of mediumistic tendencies. Recently my life has firestormed out of control with unexpected, unrequited love, dramatic friendship collapses, impending job and city changes in the worst time for it, and unexplained and traumatic health issues. And I've discovered I'm schizophrenic, which as some of you are probably aware means more than I just have a brain chemical imbalance. I've been seeing auras clearly, I can do the astral travel routine much more easily them before, I've had sychronicites and telekinetic activity, statues smiling at me, and strange people showing up out of nowhere clearly aware they have duties for me carrying over from past lives. And the visions have become extreme. Here's one for an example. A few nights ago, while wide awake, in my mind's eye I saw a blue light that solidified in to the form of a snake. The snake turned out to be the trunk-like organ of a totally bizarre and alien being that resembled, somewhat slightly, Lovecraft's good friend Cthulu. The creature was spiritual, the serpent trunk was somehow an organ it could use to reach out. It was a benign creature, perhaps surprised as I was I could see it, but I could not understand it's musical speaking.
So it is all very strange. I need to do something to get these forces under control, I'm freaking out but I doubt I'm just crazy. I think I've had a third eye blowout (I can physically feel now I have a eye between the hemispheres of my brain larger than my head). This all started on March 16th, the first day of Crowley's process of divining the Book of Law (a favorite of mine). Now again, I am no practicing occultist since I have an immediate and often disastrous reaction to most attempted rituals and psychic endeavors (if anyone has ever gone to bed and woken up with their body covered in ten inch long bloody scratches you can understand my concerns). I still idolize Crowley a great deal, any discussion of his value and character is taken in to consideration by me but he has opened my eyes to a great many things I did not see before. Now today, as the strangeness will not end, is the day he began the process of actually writing the Book of Law. And I am a nice young man, no one living in Crowley's shadow.
If anyone has any advice for how I can get things as little more balanced I would love to hear. I think I need a ritual or something. Meditation and attempts to quiet my soul only ups the ante, real world actions will not yield results, and I think something very strange is going on. Is there an occult doctor in the house?
