Gunning for the Buddha

[the quote]
I have heard it a dozen times or more. Some fellow quotes,
"If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him!" and laughs.
Everytime they have been reciting the punchline from a very
long joke they do not understand. They asume it means
something about rebelling against authority or promoting
atheism or just being a crazy, mysterious Zen Bastard.

[taoism]
The Taoist ideal is not commonly reached but getting part way
there is still useful. Losing desire, following intuition,
pursuing kindness and work without expecting rewards, shrugging
off both pain and failure: each step of our journey landing
on the most natural next point without knowing or caring about
the destination. This takes us to strange places rich with
pleasant coincidence and occassional eerie synchronicity.
The essence of Taoism is ineffable, but the Lao Tsu gave it
a good try in the Tao Te Ching.


[buddhism]
Achieving full Enlightenment is not common, but the man who
became Buddha got there (long story, different day). Filled
with joy, he wanted to do the ultimate charitable act and
show Everyone how to join him there. He tried to put the
unsayable into words and write a textbook for the unteachable.
Since it was a generaly illiterate culture he made lists
suitable for memorization of the eight virtues and other paths,
setting to formulae that which has not form. I cannot say
that he failed because Buddhism is a fine guide for living
well and Playing Nice. He did not create Taoism for the
masses, however. He created Buddhism: people generaly need
simple, concrete images of the divine so they can finish off
their religious duties and get back to work each day.
(Those crops ain't going to plant themselves.)

[zen]
Eventually it became a dogmatic and stagnant religion, with
Buddha worshipped as a living god who performed miracles and
was more than human. That is excactly NOT want he wanted:
the whole point to the philosophy is that anyone can become
Enlightened. About 500 A.D. (and no, i will not say CE
and BCE) there developed a Back-to-Basics movement was called
Zen Buddhism, and it stressed not memorizing lists, not thinking
too hard and not worshipping the Buddha as a god. The Symbol
that Buddha had become was an obstical to achieving the goal of
the philosophy, and thus admonition to Kill Him. It means to
throw off the centuries of piled up dogma and go straight for
the original message.

[fin]
And that is the set up for the punchline.

Another one i have heard too often...

Q: "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"
A: "A butterfly"
Follow up: Smug satisfaction

There was a prospect at a Zen monestary who was not getting it.
Every month he did not get it, and he worked harder, studied
longer, recited koans without end (but also without understanding).
One morning the master spoke with him and gave an ultimatum.
"Today we will walk to the meadow to meditate.
Just you and myself. You will answer my question
by teatime or you will be sent home in disgrace
and your two years here will be wasted.
Answer or be banished:
what is the sound of one hand clapping?"


At the meadow the master sat in perfect stillness for five hours.

The prospect sat in absolute agitation.
He flapped his hand about, and then the other hand.
He recited every one of the 400 koans he knew, searching for clues.
He considered every reason for clapping, every metaphore for duality.
He wondered how he could explain this to the family.
He considered his future as That Failed Monk for ever after.
He fumed with fear, fustration, and failure.
He gave up.
Five minutes before the teatime gong he fell on his back and gave up.
He let go and finaly just stared straight into the blue sky...
and a butterfly fluttered over him in that scatter-brained, empty
headed way that butterflies do. He blinked.
"Teatime," said the Master.
"Butterfly," said the student.
"Gong," said the gong.
They walked back to monestary.


The butterfly riddle is about Wu wei, "action that does not involve
struggle or excessive effort". Wu means "without" and Wei means "effort".
Quit trying so damn hard and let the answer come to you.
This is also called the "Eureka effect" in western science. When
Archimedes could not solve the volume-of-an-irregular-object problem
he gave up and went to the baths - there he watched the water spill
out of the tub as his body entered and realized the solution.
When asked what is the sound of one hand clapping, the answer is
"relax, breath, let me stop thinking for a moment."

This is a wonderful thread.

i agree i like this thrid thanks for posting it my friend if it is ok for me to call u friend lol

Back in my first attempt at college a friend told me,
"Machiavelli said it was all right to lie and steal."
No, says I, he said that a Prince owes his people and
his country everything and he cannot afford luxuries
like personal honour when defending the lives of others.
You are not a Prince. "But he said it was all right!"
Did i say it was a friend? Not after that, he wasn't.

It's an intellectual crime when people take fragments of
good philosophy out of context to not only justify but to
praise their own bad behavior. Capitalism is not about
greed, amazon mysticism is not all about drugs,
epicurian philosophy was not about hedonism: and yet a
fat, lazy, coke-addled inside-trader will misquote
Ayn Rand, Socrates and Carlos Castanada to support his
claim to spiritual superiority.

Two eastern principles are misused like this. The first
is Taoist acceptance of natural misfortune summed up by
the phrase "**** Happens". It does, it always will, and
we deal with the unforseeable as it happens. No human
mind can comprehend and predict the whole of the world
and luck swings either good or ill, outside of our control.
Wildfires may burn down your house, but failing to clear
a firebreak around it for ten years is your fault, not
just something that "happened". (Depending on local
environmental ordinances actual fault may vary.)

Incidentaly, it is equivelent to the words that end so
many declaritive statements uttered in the arab world.
"**** Happens" is always stated after the fact of some
lout's failure to act. "Inshallah" is always said before
one is going to ignore responsibilaty. The former means
"It's not my fault" and the latter "It's not going to
be my fault." Sure, blame it on god, but don't expect
me to accept it with taoist patience. (A genuine wish
for Allah's blessing on success is "Bismillah".)

The second principle constantly misused is the Short Path.
Vajrayanists feel that the best way to achieve the goal of
overcoming desire, and to work towards enlightenment, may
be to experience desire and fullfillment until one is sick
of it. Like that first day at Baskin-&-Robbins when you
get to eat all the ice-cream you want until you never
(ever!) want to eat it again, the time of vajrayanist
indulgence is meant to remove any remnent of mystery or
curiosity about all earthly pleasures real or imagined.
Then you can concentrate on fasting and yoga.

Most of the Short Path Buddhists ever seen in the Western
world seem to be garden variety hedonists who use the
buddhist school as an excuse for their self-indulgent lives.
On behalf of Vajrayani scripture, taoism, castanada,
neizchie, ayn rand, epicurius, machiavelli, einstin,
heisenburg, thomas jefferson, decartes and even baskin-&-
robbins: hippies smell, not bathing will not stop the war,
and no one buys those long rambling explainations that
by not holding a job you are creating world peace.
You are also not attaining Enlightenment.