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Thread: My poetry-a sampling

  1. #1
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    Default My poetry-a sampling

    REFLECTION
    the mirror reflects what I dont want to see
    reminding me of who I dont want to be
    I feel nothing as my soul is dying
    given up no longer trying
    a reflection I dont recognise
    deaf to all my anguished cries
    my rotting heart shatters
    nothing any longer matters
    empty now my body crumbles
    a strangled cry my lips mumble
    the mirror deceives
    I Iie to myself as my life flees

    NO CLUE
    til I met her I thought I knew
    so many things but I had no clue
    my lifes become so twisted
    I thought I lived I just existed
    >In umbris potestas est<

  2. #2
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    Default

    nae bad. "Reflection" needs a couple sylables shifted or deleted so it flows more evenly like "No Clue" does.



    the mirror reflects - I dont want to see -
    reminder of who I dont want to be.
    I feel nothing: my soul is dying,
    given up no longer trying.
    a reflection I dont recognise
    deaf to all my anguished cries
    my rotting heart shatters
    nothing now matters
    empty body crumbles
    strangled cry mumbles
    Lying to me, the mirror deceives
    Lying to myself, my life flees

    actually i still like "No Clue" better. Wotchue think of the changes?

  3. #3
    L
    Lady Dunsany Guest

    Default

    As a published poet myself, I must say your poems show a deep melancholy that tugged at my heart. toadbile do you not know the first lesson in creativity, you never mess with a poet's
    work, unless you are their editor and even then, you tread lightly.

  4. #4
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by toadbile View Post
    the mirror reflects - I dont want to see -
    reminder of who I dont want to be.
    I feel nothing: my soul is dying,
    given up no longer trying.
    a reflection I dont recognise
    deaf to all my anguished cries
    my rotting heart shatters
    nothing now matters
    empty body crumbles
    strangled cry mumbles
    Lying to me, the mirror deceives
    Lying to myself, my life flees
    please dont edit my work without my permission its rude-and its plagiarism.
    >In umbris potestas est<

  5. #5
    H
    Harlock Guest

    Default

    very good, im not a published poet, but I do love poetry. You are a good poet. I wish I had kept my senior year poetry journal....my teacher took it and i dont have it anymore but very good i hope to see more of this bane

  6. #6
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    Default

    as you wish.


    WAR
    hatred flowing from the ashes
    remnants of the ultimate of clashes
    blade against blade
    blood that will never fade
    horror and atrocity
    speak of unstoppable fury
    bodies scattered everywhere
    severed heads with endless stares
    rivers of blood course through the pain
    tears fall like acid rain
    death wrought by merciless evil
    chaos so horrid, unbelievable
    fighting wars, never ending
    the slain into hell, descending
    >In umbris potestas est<

  7. #7
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    Default

    Not a fan. Its too teenage melodrama for my tastes. I see poems like this all the time. Its neither new nor heart tugging. We can't all be good emotional poets, and oftentimes its hard to distinguish between the wash up overemotional flowery nonsense and the heartfelt sincere. Your poems fall into that vast grey area.

    and PS, its not plagiarism, its editing. Big difference. Plagiarism is turning in someone else work for credit/money. He was trying to improve upon your work by giving you suggestions. It may be rude, but its certainly not plagiarism.
    Mantra yeahhhh. Eggshells you smell.

    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i1...-BookWorld.jpg

  8. #8
    L
    Lady Dunsany Guest

    Default

    Bane considering most of the boring poetry that is out there to day, I find yours refreshing. Poetry has absolutely nothing to do with what is right or what is wrong or whether a arm chair critic likes it or not. I have been part of this world for a long time and have met wonderful famous and not so famous poets. Poetry comes from the heart and the soul, and it doesn't matter if there are some that like it or not , what matters is you do. Do not write for the masses write for yourself and stay true to your self.

  9. #9
    O
    Odin Guest

    Default

    SWM replied its editing.


    not if he is not the editor and doesn't have the sole permission of the author to change the the works

    the works are his unless collaborates with others


    the owner is Bane and no one has the right to change or edit his works
    Last edited by Odin; 02-13-2009 at 12:32 AM.

  10. #10
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    Default

    Thats correct, but:

    –noun 1. the unauthorized use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work.(websters online dictionary)

    He wasn't portraying it as his original work, just adding suggestions to improve. Its like saying, "You know what would make this spell better? Use a circle and some candles, here is how I would do it"

    That isn't taking the spell from the original spell caster, just adding something that should be taken into consideration. Seeing as todebile wanted to help Bane, I see no room for criticism. The "unless you are an editor" argument is just plain silly. There is nothing wrong with shooting options out to an artist or poet, and if its so damn personal then why post it in the first place? Expect people either tearing apart your work or critisizing it and you won't be disapointed in yourself. Expect for the worst and hope for the best.


    This doesn't change the fact that I didn't like the poem, and I'm entitled to the oppinion that I can say so and not be discredited by suggesting that its too unoriginal, thus "uncreative".
    Mantra yeahhhh. Eggshells you smell.

    http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i1...-BookWorld.jpg

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